We were sitting in our Thursday morning men’s group when Craig, a very busy corporate attorney shared this story about he and his sixteen year old son. Craig had had a hectic day that Friday, and his chance for breaking away from work evaporated with each pressing matter. His wife and daughter decided to drive out to their beach house that weekend, and Craig would follow with his son either late Friday night or early Saturday. By the time that Craig was able to call his sixteen year old son, it was from the train on the way home. When his son answered the phone, the call went something like this:
- Hi Dad.
- Hi ….
- Just wanted you to know that I am on my way home.
- OK Dad. Listen, I think tonight I am planning on hanging out with a couple of the guys tonight.
- Oh? Alright, but I was hoping that you and I might grab a pizza together and relax. Then we would drive out to the house first thing tomorrow morning and catch up with Mom and your sister. But if you have plans already…
- You know, that does sound good. OK. You know, I can call the guys and just tell them we are going to be hanging out. I could go for some pizza.
- Great! I’ll meet you at home and pick up the pizza on the way.
- See you in a few Dad.
Craig’s simple phone call prompted a very spirited discussion among all of the men, especially the fathers. One father said how important our fatherhood becomes when by virtue of our presence; fathers provide an alternative to some otherwise non-productive social activities.
Another father said that he found that his children not only look for him to set boundaries, but also appreciate them.
I found the phone call between Craig and his son even more compelling, because I saw that his relationship with his son was such that spending time with each other wasn't a gotcha time, or an obligation but actually something the son looked forward to doing.
Knowing how to spend time with our children is important.
The other end of this story comes with the metaphor surrounding this story: how often does it occur that we are busy going about our work days, that God interrupt us with a ‘call’ asking if we would like to hang out and have pizza. It’s gotta happen; I mean God reaching out to us. One of the things that I have found is that fathers reach out for fellowship, and kids reach out for ‘fundership.’ How do we create this kind of relationship with our kids?
1. Be intentional about creating rituals and language surrounding ritual. I loved in the movie City Slickers, when Billy Crystal says, "Whenever my father and I couldn't talk about anything else, we could always talk about baseball."
2. Fathers should look for cues, not clues. Joe Friday from Dragnet had one objective: nab the bad guy. But hanging out with your kids needn’t be 90 minutes under the hot lights. Listening to what isn’t being said. Let the kids take the lead. Remember there is an art to relationship. One way my father was able to establish a common ground was with story. My father used stories about his faithful mutt Duke. Duke for me reminded me that Dad was a kid too. It wasn’t any wonder that when I was old enough to understand and I got my first dog, his name was King.
In the same way, God likes rituals as well. Not these formal things. For me one of the ritual places for me and the Father is the beach at dawn. When I spend time with Him, it can even include reading the Sports pages together and reading the box scores. It’s just another thing that I get to share with the Lord. Oh, BTW, did I mention, my Father also likes to share things with me.
As an aside, one time, the Lord showed me something very profound in Scripture. It was deep. I was a little puzzled. I asked Him, “How come you are showing ME this. Don’t the important people and Christian leaders need this more? He never answered me.
